He cannot look away until the 90 millilitres are in

[12:18:04. Doping control room in a municipal sports centre, Sunday, after a ten-kilometre fun run. Present: Puri Sanchis, physiotherapist, 44, second in her category; Oscar Mendieta, federation doping control officer; and Kevin Arrieta, the volunteer in charge of the water bottles.]

OSCAR: Puri Sanchis, from the moment you received the notification you must remain accompanied, and I need to close a valid sample of at least 90 millilitres.

PURI: Accompanied until when?

OSCAR: Until the control is finished and the report is signed.

PURI: I've got a family lunch at three.

OSCAR: I've got a report that can't go to lunch without a sample.

PURI: I came second among physiotherapists aged 40 to 49. I thought the prize was a tote bag.

OSCAR: The bag is still yours. So is the draw for the control.

PURI: And you can't just take my word for it?

OSCAR: I do. And I still have to ask you for it.

PURI: My mother has ordered a paella for fourteen.

OSCAR: I'm noting down the time of the lunch. It won't help, but I'm noting it.

[12:20:11. Oscar lays the notification form on the table.]

OSCAR: This records the time you were notified. From that moment you can't leave on your own. You may attend to a reasonable emergency, receive medical attention or go to the prize ceremony, but always accompanied by authorised personnel.

PURI: To the toilet as well?

OSCAR: During the provision of the sample an accredited observer of your own sex is present. The chain of observation continues until the container is back on this table.

PURI: Wonderful. I've won a medal and an escort.

OSCAR: The escort doesn't come with a ribbon to hang round your neck.

PURI: Thank goodness. I'm already carrying the accreditation, the race number, the medal and the locker key. I look like a display stand.

OSCAR: Before we begin: are you ready to provide the sample?

PURI: I drank two litres of water at the finish line.

OSCAR: That can mean yes now, or a problem in ten minutes.

PURI: It means I followed every single one of Kevin's tips.

[12:21:32. Kevin puts his head round the door with six small bottles.]

KEVIN: Hydration for athletes.

OSCAR: Kevin Arrieta, event volunteer, she is already hydrated.

PURI: Two litres hydrated.

KEVIN: I can bring more.

OSCAR: You can take five away.

KEVIN: And the sixth?

OSCAR: Leave it closed. She decides whether she drinks, but nobody needs to turn this into a tank capacity test.

PURI: Kevin, if I'm late, tell my husband to start without me.

KEVIN: Shall I tell him about the control?

PURI: Tell him I made the podium. My empty chair will explain the rest.

OSCAR: It's still only twenty-one minutes past twelve.

PURI: You don't know my mother. For her, arriving at three means being seated at two forty-five.

[12:23:08. Kevin leaves with five bottles.]

OSCAR: Let's choose the collection vessel. There are several of them, sealed. Look at them, check they're intact and pick one yourself.

PURI: Is the blue one faster?

OSCAR: They are all the same.

PURI: The blue one. It goes with my trainers, and my mother might appreciate the aesthetic effort.

OSCAR: Check the wrapper.

PURI: Sealed, no cuts, and it's got a number.

OSCAR: You open it.

PURI: Aren't you going to?

OSCAR: No. You choose the equipment and you break the seal. That way you can check that nobody has used it or tampered with it beforehand.

PURI: This is the first packet I've opened today without hunting for the little tab for five minutes.

OSCAR: Write the opening time in the box underneath.

[12:25:19. Puri opens the wrapper and examines the container.]

PURI: Do I produce the 90 millilitres now?

OSCAR: At least. If you don't reach it, a partial sample procedure applies: whatever you produce is sealed and you wait until the volume is complete. It's easier to get to 90 in one go.

PURI: Thank you for adding quantitative pressure to an involuntary bodily function.

OSCAR: I can stop talking about quantities.

PURI: Too late. I've got an imaginary scoreboard now.

[12:27:02. The recording is paused for the visit to the provision area. An accredited observer maintains the required visual control.]

[12:31:47. The recording resumes. Puri comes back with the container covered.]

OSCAR: Put it on the table and keep it in sight at all times.

PURI: How much is there?

OSCAR: Forty-two millilitres.

PURI: In a race, that would be almost halfway.

OSCAR: Here too. The problem is that an almost-sample doesn't close a report.

PURI: Shall we keep it and I top it up later?

OSCAR: Yes. You'll choose a partial sample kit, we'll check the code, seal it and record the volume. When you can carry on, you'll verify that the code and the seal are still intact.

PURI: Does all this exist because somebody once tried to swap 42 millilitres for another 42?

OSCAR: It exists so that neither you nor I have to argue afterwards about whose they were.

PURI: That answer sounds like it was written by a competent civil servant.

OSCAR: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me during a fun run.

[12:34:10. Puri chooses the partial sample kit and breaks its wrapper.]

OSCAR: Read the code out loud.

PURI: Seven, four, two, nine, one.

OSCAR: It matches. Insert the container, close it and check the seal.

PURI: Sealed.

OSCAR: We sign this provisional entry.

PURI: Can I ring home?

OSCAR: Yes. I'll stay with you.

PURI: That will give the conversation with my mother a certain institutional authority.

[12:35:22. Puri makes a phone call.]

PURI: Mum, it's me. I came second. Yes, second. No, there's no prize money. I've been selected for a doping control. No, that doesn't mean they think I'm doping. It was a random draw. I have to hand over 90 millilitres. I'm not going to explain of what over the paella. I'll get there. Keep my plate for me. Yes. And the socarrat.

[12:36:31. Puri hangs up.]

OSCAR: Have we been granted extra time?

PURI: We have a plate covered with another plate. In my family that is the equivalent of diplomatic immunity.

OSCAR: Perfect. While you wait, we'll complete the declaration of medication and supplements.

PURI: I take ibuprofen now and then.

OSCAR: I need everything used in the last seven days, even if it's legal, common or prescribed. If the laboratory sees something odd, I'd rather it was written down here than over there.

PURI: On Tuesday I took a 400-milligram ibuprofen for a headache.

OSCAR: Noted. Any inhaler, medicated cream, syrup, vitamin, protein or sports supplement?

PURI: Magnesium on Thursday. One capsule.

OSCAR: Brand and dose, if you remember them.

PURI: The brand was one of those made-up English words with a mountain on it. The dose said one a day.

OSCAR: We'll describe the packaging and the regimen. Anything else?

PURI: Coffee this morning.

OSCAR: There's no need to declare coffee.

PURI: There were three of them.

OSCAR: Still no need, but it explains several aspects of this conversation.

PURI: Put down an anti-inflammatory cream on my right calf too, on Friday.

OSCAR: That one yes. Name of the product, if you remember it.

PURI: I've got a photo of it, because I'm a physiotherapist and I tell my patients never to say "a blue cream".

OSCAR: Your professional self is being far more helpful than your runner-in-a-hurry self.

PURI: My professional self hasn't got a paella going cold.

[12:41:06. Puri shows the photograph of the medication. Oscar copies down the name and the declared dose.]

OSCAR: Check the list: ibuprofen on Tuesday, magnesium supplement on Thursday and anti-inflammatory cream on Friday.

PURI: Correct.

OSCAR: You may add any comment about the procedure. That space is also there to flag anything you consider irregular.

PURI: I'd like it on record that the volunteer attempted to supply me with a third litre of water.

OSCAR: You can write that, but Kevin could plead a vocation of service.

PURI: I'll put that the staff were correct and that my bladder works under a collective agreement of its own.

OSCAR: The second part isn't necessary.

PURI: Then the form is censoring the party most closely involved.

[12:44:50. Kevin comes back with a wrapped sandwich.]

KEVIN: They've asked me whether the runner in the control needs something to eat.

PURI: The runner in the control needs to leave.

OSCAR: She may eat, but we have to record and supervise whatever she consumes during the wait.

PURI: What's in it?

KEVIN: Omelette.

PURI: Does omelette improve the density?

OSCAR: We are not going to design a gastronomic strategy for the urinary tract.

KEVIN: There's banana left as well.

OSCAR: Kevin, your current mission consists of not bringing anything for ten minutes.

KEVIN: Understood. Can I come back in eleven?

PURI: You are an extraordinarily literal volunteer.

[12:45:31. Kevin leaves the sandwich and goes out.]

PURI: Explain this density business to me before he comes back with a melon.

OSCAR: Once the volume is reached, the sample is divided between two sealable bottles: A and B. Then a few drops are checked with a device that says how watery it is.

PURI: To find out whether I've drunk too much?

OSCAR: To find out whether the urine has enough density for a reliable analysis. An excessively diluted sample may not be sufficient and requires another collection. The first one is documented; it isn't thrown away and it doesn't disappear.

PURI: I drank two litres because they were shouting "hydrate" at the finish.

OSCAR: Hydrating was reasonable. Attempting to fill an indoor swimming pool has complicated the timetable.

PURI: And why two bottles?

OSCAR: A is the one they analyse. B stays shut in case we have to do it again. And your name does not travel to the laboratory: the code does.

PURI: How much goes in each one?

OSCAR: With a minimum sample of 90 millilitres, at least 30 go into B and at least 60 into A. You do the pouring, following my instructions.

PURI: Ninety, thirty, sixty. There's more arithmetic in this room than in my tax return.

OSCAR: And we haven't even worked out how long is left until the paella.

PURI: Two hours and fourteen minutes.

[12:49:09. Puri looks at the partial sample container.]

PURI: I think I can finish it off now.

OSCAR: Before you open it, check the code.

PURI: Seven, four, two, nine, one. The same one.

OSCAR: Check the seal.

PURI: Intact.

OSCAR: Let's go to the provision area. The accredited observer will take over that part of the procedure.

[12:50:03. The recording is paused.]

[12:54:26. The recording resumes. Puri places the container on the table.]

PURI: This time I've beaten the target.

OSCAR: One hundred and eighteen millilitres. Sufficient volume.

PURI: Personal best of the day.

OSCAR: Now choose a two-bottle kit. Check the wrapping, pick one and open it yourself.

PURI: This one. Code 631884.

OSCAR: Six three one what?

PURI: Eight eight four.

OSCAR: Right. The code appears on the box, on bottle A, on bottle B and on the labels. Check all four.

PURI: Box 631884. A, 631884. B, 631884. Labels, 631884.

OSCAR: Pour into bottle B first, until you're over 30 millilitres.

PURI: Thirty-two.

OSCAR: Good. Now transfer the rest into A as indicated, and leave a small amount in the container to measure the density.

PURI: Sixty-eight in A. There's a bit left here.

OSCAR: Close B. Turn it until the mechanism locks. Then A.

PURI: B closed. A closed.

OSCAR: Try to open them, without forcing.

PURI: They won't budge.

OSCAR: I'll put them into the transport bags after the measurement.

[12:57:40. Oscar lets two drops fall into a hand-held device the size of a fat lighter and looks through the eyepiece.]

PURI: Judging by your face, the cold water at the finish line has just won.

OSCAR: The reading is below the value required to close the control with this sample.

PURI: I've produced 118 millilitres that don't count?

OSCAR: They count, and they'll travel identified, but we need another sample with sufficient density. Bottles A and B stay sealed. We'll repeat the collection.

PURI: My mother is going to file for custody of my plate.

OSCAR: Stop drinking for now. You can eat the sandwich if you like.

PURI: Omelette against two litres of water?

OSCAR: Omelette against hunger. Nothing more.

[13:00:12. Puri unwraps the sandwich.]

PURI: Does this happen to you often?

OSCAR: Fairly often. Some athletes get the notification, panic about not being able to produce the sample and drink too fast. They get the volume, but they reduce the concentration.

PURI: You could hand out a leaflet saying "please drink in moderation even when drinking is the thing being observed".

OSCAR: The leaflet would have to get past a committee.

PURI: Now I see why you lot prefer forms.

OSCAR: Forms go past committees too. They've just learned not to complain.

[13:04:38. Kevin appears with no bottles and raises his hands.]

KEVIN: I'm not bringing anything.

OSCAR: Excellent service.

KEVIN: They've sent me to ask whether they can take down the finish arch.

OSCAR: The control doesn't depend on the arch. Tell them to carry on.

KEVIN: Do you need anything?

OSCAR: No.

PURI: Me neither, Kevin. Thanks.

[13:05:02. Kevin goes out.]

PURI: And what if somebody else handed in the sample for me?

OSCAR: That's why I don't let you out of my sight.

PURI: Right.

[13:06:55. A pause of a minute and a half in the recording. No conversation.]

PURI: Oscar, honestly. How much longer?

OSCAR: I don't know.

[13:16:27. Puri finishes half the sandwich and checks the time.]

PURI: Can I try again?

OSCAR: Yes. Choose a new container, check the seal and open it.

PURI: White container, wrapping intact. I'll open it myself. I'm acquiring a very specific skill.

OSCAR: It doesn't usually appear on a CV.

PURI: "Autonomous opening of anti-doping equipment under family pressure".

OSCAR: I'd hire you for Sundays.

[13:17:18. The recording is paused for the second provision.]

[13:21:53. The recording resumes.]

PURI: Ninety-six millilitres.

OSCAR: I confirm 96. Choose another A and B kit.

PURI: Code 550217 on the box, on the bottles and on the labels. It all matches.

OSCAR: Transfer at least 30 into B.

PURI: Thirty-one.

OSCAR: The rest into A, leaving a few drops for the measurement.

PURI: Sixty-two in A. Closing B. Closing A. Neither of them opens.

OSCAR: We measure again.

[13:24:06. Oscar repeats the reading with the same device.]

PURI: This time you raised one eyebrow fewer.

OSCAR: This time the density meets the criterion. We have a valid sample.

PURI: I have just found myself delighted by a physical property I knew nothing about an hour ago.

OSCAR: Let's go over the report. Volume, codes, declared medication, time of each collection and observations. Check that everything is correct before you sign.

PURI: My surname is right. The codes match. So does the medication. You've written that the first sample required repetition due to insufficient density.

OSCAR: Correct.

PURI: And that I've made no complaints about the procedure.

OSCAR: You can make them if you have them.

PURI: I only have one complaint, against my two litres, and they don't accept submissions.

OSCAR: Then sign here. You'll receive a copy of the report.

[13:26:40. Puri signs. Oscar separates the copy and puts the bottles into the transport bags.]

PURI: Can I go now without you following me?

OSCAR: Control complete. Sample A closed, sample B closed, documentation complete and copy handed over.

PURI: It's twenty-seven minutes past one. I'll be there with time to spare.

OSCAR: You could even have a shower.

PURI: No. My family has to see this medal before the rice goes past its best.

OSCAR: Puri. You've left your tote bag on the chair.