You forgive what you understand, you forget what never mattered

We say forgive and forget as if they were siblings. They are almost opposites. Forgiveness demands that you remember; forgetting is the comfort of never having cared enough.

To forgive is not to erase the wound, it is to stop charging for it. It requires memory: you have to hold the exact damage in mind in order to waive the debt with your eyes open. That is why forgiveness tires you out and forgetting lets you rest.

Be wary of anyone who tells you they have forgotten it all. Either it did not hurt, or they have not started forgiving yet. Resentment and forgiveness live in the same house, the house of those who remember; forgetting lives far away, in the house of those who were never quite there.